Let’s face it, rejection is that one part of life that we will all go through at some point or another. As fellas we have to understand that there are women out there who won’t be “buying” what we are “selling”, no matter how put together we are.
Whether it is physically, financially, emotionally, women have their preferences (as do we) and we should not take it personally.
Some women don’t want a man that looks like a Calvin Klein model; they may prefer a chubby, short guy. There are some who actually may prefer that a man not have all his shit together (sounds outrageous right??!)
Several years back I had a girl tell me she prefers to date “fixer uppers” and that she and I would be better off as friends. At the time I was enrolled in a master’s program at a prominent university in the Midwest. Her words caught me off guard, because here I am distancing myself from being a bum ass negro and I was getting rejected for it. Lol
This latest post was prompted after a girl who I met off of a dating site told me that she wasn’t really feeling me like that. Just to back track a bit, my 8 month relationship ended around the middle of July. We didn’t break up on bad terms, just an amicable split.
Either way, once that ended, I went back to what I know best (online dating) in hopes of finding a new female companion.
Now before you start passing judgment , I told myself that I’m going to ride out the rest of 2014 as a single man, and enjoy all that comes with being a bachelor in NYC.
I’m one of those guys that like to be in the company of women. Yeah, I do have guy friends, but all we ever do is go out and party. I feel like with women I can do more intimate things like a walk in the park, watch movies or go out to eat.
With fall fast approaching aka “Cuffing Season” I felt like I had to start the recruiting process. So I went back to online dating and my inbox started lighting up like no other. I had done online dating for a few years, but this latest go around I was really getting a lot of responses.
This go around I told myself I am not going to beat around the bush. I don’t believe in exchanging messages for 2 months and then finally meeting. I rather meet early on, see if we like each other then go from there. In the span of like 2-3 weeks I must have met like 6 women off POF. A couple times I met 2 women on the same day (don’t ask how I pulled that off)
These weren’t dates, but more so “meet and greets”.
I was in a groove. Felt like G-Money from New Jack City shooting hoops in the park (shout out to the 80s babies!) My male friend could not believe the success I was having on there. The fact that I could get them to agree to meet me in a public setting so quickly was much better than the endless exchange of messages and “curving” that he was getting.
So there was one young lady who I took a liking to. She was in her mid-20s. A little closer to me in proximity compared to the others. She was cute, smart, well versed on social issues. We had conversed through messages on POF for a good 3 weeks before we finally exchanged numbers.
Since I was just looking for something casual, I figured we could kick it. We went on about four dates, nothing overly extravagant (dinner, park, movies).
After our last date, which was just a movie, I noticed the communication started stalling. She would take longer than usual to respond to my texts. So when I finally hit her up on some, “what’s good with you” she told me she wasn’t really feeling me like that.
I’ll be honest; my pride took a slight hit. In my mind I wanted to be like, “well I wasn’t trying to wife you, you were an option not a priority”. But I decided to take the higher road and wish her best of luck in her search. I believe in brutal honesty so I respect her for even telling me that. Better I find that out early so I won’t invest any more time and money into her.
So here are the major points I want the fellas to take away from this:
1. You gotta just brush the rejection off. Don’t take it personal. There can be a hundred reasons as to why she rejected you. Don’t make it your duty to dwell on that.
2. Handle the rejection with dignity and class! No need to resort to name calling and profanity. Makes you look like a bitch ass n-word. Just hit her with the “it’s all good love, best of luck in your search”… who knows she may come back around
3. Rejection can be a blessing in disguise. It can save you $$$ and time.
4. Having OPTIONS decreases the blow from rejection. (This tie back into LQ’s post about women dating more than one man, well here I am reasserting that from a male perspective.) Never put all your eggs in one basket.