Women Speak: Turn Offs, Exes, Real Dates, Heartbreak, and Why We Can’t Deal With This New Age Dating Ish


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Waiting to Exhale

 

Dating is exhausting.

At the same time it can be liberating and beautiful. The thing that typically separates the two varying experiences is maturity, timing, and a person’s options. The most important thing, however, that determines whether or not a dating situation will be sugar or sh*t is COMMUNICATION, or the lack thereof.

I asked a few women to communicate their experiences, perspectives, ideals and pain with me. In an effort to hear the voice of women from many walks of life and relationship statuses, they graciously agreed to share with me their take on 12 questions related to the title above.

These are their stories.

(Insert Law and Order “dun dun” sound here)

Women Speak

 

 

When it comes to men what are your biggest turn offs?Being+male+is+the+biggest+turn+off+for+me+personally_4e1056_6317038

“A turn off for me is insecurity. If his past relationship was the reason he feels that way, I’m sorry but I’m not at fault and you need to get it together. I’m not your past.” – Juliana, 26, Queens, NY

 

“My biggest turn offs are lying, withholding information (also considered lying in my opinion), insecurity (lack of confidence), poor hygiene, lack of leadership, lack of vision and planning to achieve goals.” – Melissa, 30, Beaumont, Tx

 

“Bad breath, yellow teeth, unemployed, a lot of kids, and no drive to do better in life. Mama’s boy, weak, bad kisser/love maker.” – Lynn, 29, Houston, Tx

 

“A cocky, musty, insecure, jealous -hearted, conniving, fast talking man.” – Constance, 32, Houston, Tx

 

“As weird as this may sound, I can’t handle a clingy, needy man. I’m not that way & dealing with a man like that will always lead to miscommunications especially when I’m seemingly being nonchalant & Yes there are clingy, needy men out there. Another turn off are braggers. The “look what I got” man that in reality is just insecure (another turnoff). Lying is a major turnoff. Even if its small. Just be honest man. Another major turn off is asking to come over & “chill” & we haven’t even gotten to know one another yet. NO. Stop it. I don’t want you to come & “chill”. “ – April, 30, Houston

“My biggest turn-offs are dishonesty and closed minds, filled with baseless assumptions. I think that I am flexible and can deal with anything but these two things. I also fear the words “We need to talk”, but I can explain that later. Lies are like wildfires. They spread quickly. I recall an expression that goes something like “a lie can make it halfway around the world before the truth has the opportunity to put its pants on.” The expression is so true, but the biggest difference that I have found between the truth and a lie is that when the truth arrives, it remains the same and it never fades. Lies easily change the dynamics of relationships, romantic or otherwise. Closed minds never make it very far with me, because I am quite liberal in my thinking and moderate in my politics (double wink). It is a very personal thing to me, because, even though I am educated, I remain curious by realizing that I know nothing at all, in a sense. I delight in exploration, and I would like to have a partner that has an open mind. – Mercedes, 31, Houston

 

“Haughtiness, a man with a file mouth (Kevin Gates ugggggh), a man with terrible teeth and a man whose not trying to elevate himself mentally.” – Mrs. Davis, 32, Egypt

 

“I am extremely turned off by a man that does not keep up his appearance. I may be a little different, but when I first make contact with a man, I look from the bottom up. A man that takes care of himself will make sure his shoes are decent. I am not saying that I prefer the man with the Jordan’s or Stacy Adams dress shoes. You can buy nice shoes at an affordable price! A man that takes pride in his outside appearance pays attention to detail, and that lets me know that he will be attentive to me.  There is nothing wrong with a man that takes the time to pick out nice cologne keeps his hair groomed nice and neat, puts effort in the clothes he wears, and “occasionally” buys nice boxers for special occasions. Women are expected to have matching bras, underwear and wear nice lingerie to bed. Some people make the argument that men are more visual than women, so we spend hundreds of dollars to ensure that we look good.  It is time for men to match our efforts!” – Lois Lane, 32, Texas

 

Why did it not work out with the last man that you were in love with?

ex

“It didn’t work out because he cheated on me while I was pregnant with our second child. He lied to me and told me he didn’t love me anymore. He never told me what really happened. I found out thanks to the wonderful world that is the internet. I tried to make it work because I believe in marriage and the vows I made to him. He said he wanted to make it work and did nothing, like absolutely nothing!! I was the one trying to make it work for 3 months while he was still fucking her. So I decided to be the one to start the divorce process, also while I was pregnant. And guess what, it’s been almost 2 years and I’m still married to the jackass because he is making it beyond impossible to get divorced.” – Juliana

 

“He was a pathological liar, lacked motivation and confidence in himself to change his circumstances.” – Melissa

 

“He wasn’t trying to be in a committed relationship. He still wanted to play the field.”  – Lynn

 

“He was insecure, jealous, and conniving. He was harboring a secret that caused him to feel I was too.” – Constance

 

“I was young, dumb, & selfish. Still seeking something more. I felt, at that time, that I was settling. Even though I was in love, in the back of my mind I thought there was something more out there for me, because of that I started to drift away. We became so off & on. He lived in another state & could feel that I was pulling away & so was he so he ended up starting something with someone else in the state that he was in. He’s now married, to that person. I almost went into detail on that, but I’ll leave it alone. Lol” – April

 

“It did not work out for several reasons, but the primary reason is that neither of us acted in a manner that proved our love to the other. We would have small fights and not speak to each other for lengthy periods. We would not fully commit our time or attention to nurturing the relationship. Our romantic focus on each other did not exist.” – Mercedes

 

“I paid attention to what he said and not what he did. We always say actions speak louder than words but we do not act accordingly.” – Mrs. Davis

 

“It did not work out with the last man that I was with because he became too comfortable! At the beginning of our 6-year relationship, he made sure I knew how he felt about me by verbally telling me, spending time with me, and surprising me often. We connected and fell in love based on those things alone. It was like a breath of fresh air to have a man that expressed the way he felt, being that I had never experienced that before.  I have always been the one to express my feelings only to receive nothing in return. Well, as the years passed, he started to focus more on himself and less on “us”. Our companionship started to feel more like we were roommates and less like romantic partners.  I informed him many times about the things that I needed from him in the relationship. He continued to ignore my request and one day I was no longer in love with him. What made it worst is other men showed interest in me and some of them were very persistent about spending time with me. At the end of the day, I wanted that attention from my mate, so I declined the offers. However, that showed me just how unhappy I was.  I stayed in the relationship because of the connection I had with his friends and family (vice versa). Leaving him, ultimately meant ending those relationships as well. To make a long story short, he later expressed that the reason he stopped doing those things, was because they made him look “soft” and he was not that guy. Meanwhile all of his friends with the exception of 1, were unmarried and not in committed relationships. But the pressure of being “hard” must have been very compelling because it allowed him to lose the very thing that all of his homeboys wanted – a faithful, beautiful, sexy, and educated woman! It is sad that a man isn’t allowed to express himself in today’s society. PRIDE is the number one relationship killer. Men can be in love with a woman but never tell her. Oddly enough, I have had two ex boyfriends reach out to me to tell me that I was the best thing that ever happened to them, but they could not tell me at the time. One guys stated that he has been in several failed relationships because he looks for a piece of me in each of the women that he is with. He stated that he puts them through hell, holds them to high standards because they are not me. (But that’s another conversation). –  Lois Lane

 

 

What is your definition of a real date?

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“Honestly I’m not into the traditional “dinner” date. I’ve only been on one lol. But I would like to go do something new: arcades, rock climbing, cooking class. Something new not the same old things.” – Juliana

 

“A “Real Date” has effort and planning involved with a back-up plan in case unforeseen circumstances occur. I am not asking to go to Mars for an evening but be able to coordinate the date such as know the time of events, know the weather for the day, the location(s) and be able to transition from one location to the next without just “winging it”. I am observing whether you can lead without my assistance and make assertive decisions because I plan to follow. After the initial dating phase has passed, I enjoy spontaneous dates, such as, random road trips, him letting me surprise him with my own planned dates, and quiet nights in cooking together and watching a movie.” – Melissa

 

“A real date to me doesn’t have to be expensive but we’ll thought out. I believe it shows that the male it really into a female when he takes time out of his day to plan a evening worth remembering. Effort goes along way in my book.” – Lynn

 

“Can be anything that is not Netflix and chill. Somewhere where you can have dialogue. A nice coffee house, restaurant, park…..etc.” – Constance

 

“A real date, for me, is a man that plans the evening without asking me anything. I know it should be mutual on what we would do, but I’d rather know the creativity a man can put towards taking me on a date. We don’t even have to do anything major or go to an expensive restaurant. I had a man just take me for a walk downtown during the light installations at Discovery Green in December. It was very simple, but thoughtful.” – April

 

“A real date includes a time to communicate (verbally and non-verbally) and a fun activity. I do not place restrictions on where the date should take place or how much it should cost. I demand variety.” – Mercedes

 

“Going out to a restaurant, laughing, talking and being ourselves. I always tell men you can’t take me on a date if you can’t spend what I spend on myself but I won’t ask you to spend what I won’t spend on myself. How I act with my friends is how I act on the date because you eventually want a friend at the end of the day, and then what comes after, if anything.” – Mrs. Davis

 

“A Real Date to me is one where two people are genuinely attempting to connect with each other. So many people are trying to Instagram meals, tag themselves to the most expensive restaurant and snap chat the person that they are with. A real date is not determined by money, but by the chemistry. Not everyone you meet will be compatible with the type of person you are. I have eaten at expensive restaurants and not have a good time because the man was texting on his phone or did not know how to keep a conversation going. I have also had impromptu dates at the movie theatre, concert, or a more affordable restaurant and had a great time!  Recently I went on a date and I had so much fun. We started at a sports bar watching the game, then went to a bar, followed by Apple Bees. We talked and laughed and just had a great time because we the effort to do so! Although the date was relatively inexpensive, the moment was priceless because I felt a connection with someone. At that moment, I was the center of his attention and no one else mattered.” – Lois Lane

 

Society currently makes the idea of a woman “needing or needing something from a man” as taboo when it probably shouldn’t be. Do you think that you NEED/NEED SOMETHING FROM a man that you’re dating and what do you think it is that you need? 

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“What I need is a friend, a partner. Someone to be there for me and that is it. I don’t need a man at all. I am a grown ass woman and I’m very independent. I need someone who understands me and loves me for me.”Juliana

 

“I need to know that you can handle business. I need to feel protected. I need to feel safe. I need to feel like you are not afraid to tell the entire world I am yours. I need to know you can handle any situation while I have the vehicle running in case we need to burn out the scene lol. In that order.” – Melissa

 

“Yes I need compassion, love and support from my mate. 5. We’ve all been heartbroken before.” – Lynn

 

“I don’t need a man financially or need him to justify me, but all humans need love. I want a protector, someone who is going to love ME (flaws and all), and someone is going to make time for me. I love the scripture, that “love is patient, love is kind…………”1 Corinthians 13:4-8” – Constance

 

“When I tell you that is one thing that I could never relate to. I’ve never felt I needed anything from a man, but if we’re speaking emotionally, all I could possibly want is reciprocity. If I’m showing you real, I need that in return. That’s about it.” – April

I need his respect and support. There is no love and trust without respect. There is no need to conduct the relationship if that person is not a member of your support team.” – Mercedes

 

“I needed the companionship the intellectual growth an on duty at all times best friend, an actual conscience. I needed him for all the things I couldn’t bring to my table to make it a home.” – Mrs. Davis

 

“I think that when you are dating someone, both of you have a need that the other person is meeting. Relationships fail because the person is no longer meeting that need. I am not ashamed to say that I NEED ATTENTION and TIME from the person I am dating. Some women may need money, sex, or other materialistic things. I need to feel like I matter to that person, otherwise I will look elsewhere for attention, which could be a good and a bad thing. Being attentive to a woman will go a long way. When a woman feels loved and her needs are being met, she will reciprocate that feeling by making sure her man has everything that he needs.” – Lois Lane

 

 

We’ve all been heartbroken before. If given the chance what would you tell the “Heartbreakers” of the world? OR what would you tell your “son” about heartbreak?

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“I would tell them to go fuck themselves (lol sorry couldn’t help it). I would tell them to grow up and stop being selfish. They are only thinking about what they want and need. They do not think about the other person.” – Juliana

 

“I would tell the heartbroken and my son to guard your heart and “these heauxs ain’t loyal!” Okay. No. I would tell them life will present heartbreaks, time does not heal all wounds, and repetitive actions are the only things you can be certain of.” – Melissa

 

“I would tell the heartbreakers of the world that their actions are totally uncalled for! It is to easy for someone to tell another the truth about their feelings and intentions with them. Instead of cheating, lying, and playing with people’s emotions.” – Lynn

 

“I give a disclaimer when I date someone. “If the feelings are not mutual let me know”. I feel heartbreakers have been broken hearted before. They use that as fuel to break someone else’s heart instead of remembering the hurt and pain they felt. I would tell them to just think back, to the hurt and pain someone else caused you knowing you did not deserve it. This day in age, you cannot play with people emotions and think its ok. Be man or woman enough to let them go easily. As a human, you are not entitled to stay somewhere that you do not want to be.” – Constance

 

“I just want you to imagine doing the things that you’ve done to hurt a woman & now imagine that happening to your mother or your sister. The thought of it alone should not only anger you, but create a different reality of how you would want to treat a woman & recognize the damage that you could have on them. Women are very strong. We may bend a little, but we don’t break. Don’t use that as an excuse to just do whatever to satisfy yourself, because we can handle it. A man’s first love will always be his mother, that is the woman who raised, nurtured, & turned him into the man that he is today. The woman that you’re playing or hurting could also have a son one day who will look up to her & her whole outlook on men could be detrimental to her son. That sounds cliché, but everything is a cycle. Everything comes back full circle in one way or another. If you want to play & juggle women, BE SINGLE. It’s so simple.” – April

A self-proclaimed heartbreaker needs to be told (or guided) to heal and take the high road. I would tell my son that his father and I are raising him to be a man of integrity, respect and self-control. Any value that doesn’t align with that is unacceptable.” – Mercedes

 

“Don’t do to a woman what you don’t want to see done to your mother or sister. Respect a woman as you respect your mother and sister. Try to keep yourself from a situation that could potentially cause you to disrespect a female.” – Mrs. Davis

 

“I tell my brothers and nephews all of the time, to be careful how they treat women. Although a man being honest will break a woman’s heart, it is better to be heartbroken knowing a person was honest opposed to being left with unresolved issues. Always be honest no matter what. Ive noticed that when I do not have the closure I need, those issues start to appear in other relationships. When I have closure, I am able to mourn that relationship and end that chapter of my life without feeling the heavy burden of wondering what happened. Unresolved issues cause us to question our worth and what we did wrong. Some women do not have positive people around them; therefore, they carry around the weight from that heartbreak although the reason for the split may not have had anything to do with them. – Lois Lane

 

Where do you think men are falling short in this dating game?

ali how to be a player

“COMMUNICATION !!! Why is it so freaking hard to communicate?? Just tell me how you feel or what’s going on. If you like me tell me, if you don’t tell me, If you want to be in a relationship tell me. I feel that most men don’t understand what communication is. They just assume and that’s that.” – Juliana

 

“From my personal experience, men fall short by not having a game plan and not being assertive. Do not ask me “Where do I want to go?” TELL me where we are going.” – Melissa

 

“Effort for sure, as well as respecting females.” – Lynn

 

“They keep their options open instead of paying attention to one female. They let others dictate how they should wrongfully treat women.” – Constance

 

“I feel like this generation of women, in particular, have made it so damn easy for men to just smash & dash or get whatever they want, that men aren’t even trying anymore. Finding a man that wants to take you on actual dates to court you & not just a “Can I come over?”, “Netflix & Chill” ass n*gga, is like finding a four leaf clover. Every woman isn’t going to be easy. If you’re pursuing a woman, date her! Put forth some type of effort.” – April

 

All fall short when they fail to be honest with themselves and others. My boyfriend tells me all the time that rule number one is to keep it real and rule number two is never forget rule number one. I also think that self-improvement is a valuable task for everyone. We should all focus on being the best version of ourselves for ourselves and our respective partners and communities.” – Mercedes

 

“I think men are not being honest with the women. They’re not telling them what they really want. I also believe they are not taking enough “charge” They are allowing the woman to be dominant and then being turned off by it. They need to put their foot down so to speak and be the man.” – Mrs. Davis

 

“Unfortunately, we have turned into an “instant society”. We want everything now, with urgency, and when we do not get that, we look somewhere else. By the time the couple is on date number two, men expect to know everything about the woman.  Women, who are trying to find love, may be enticed to please that person by telling the man her life story, send them nude photos, and being available whenever he calls. Men may insinuate that whatever she is not doing, someone else will. Men fall short when they have a rotation of women. It becomes difficult to balance everyone and give them the attention that they need. My brother has several women on his roster for several different things. But because he does not invest his time by genuinely getting to know each female past that one thing that he talks to them for, he is missing out on the other good qualities that she has to offer. Did I mention that men constantly worry about how other people feel about the women they are with.  If they continue to live for their friends, they will never find happiness. – Lois Lane

 

How do you feel about side-chicks? Have you ever been one and if so how did it frame your outlook on dating?

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“So… I feel very strongly towards side chicks. What the hell is the point of being a side chick. Side chicks are disgusting to me. I could never be with a man that is already in a relationship. Being in a relationship where I was cheated on made me see that I don’t blame “her”. Yes she is a fucking bitch for getting together with a married man. But it is all on him. Its his fault not hers. She could be dancing in front of him naked and he should still say NO! He is the one to blame. Now, being cheated on made me more cautious and obviously it’s a little hard for me to trust, but I try not to let it take over.” – Juliana

 

“I feel you have to be insecure to live your life thinking you only deserve to be someone else’s sidepiece, their secret, and I don’t respect it. Probably and was unaware of it. These heauxs really aren’t loyal. Smh.” – Melissa

 

“I was unknowingly a side chick once and once I found out I immediately stopped talking to the dude. I don’t understand how a woman can lower her standards to only getting a “half” a man!? I feel like women who allow their selves to stay in these predicaments have serious self confidence and mental issues.” – Lynn

 

 “I feel if you want to be number two go ahead. I have been the other chick, I was young and the lie was “we are about to split up”. I deemed from that moment if we can’t date, have fun, and go places openly then I don’t need to be with you.” – Constance

“I want to say no comment so bad, but the last thing I should ever be worried about is a side chick. If a man is still juggling women, at this age (30+), then there should be no relationship. Period. I will say that I have been a side before, unknowingly. At the point I found out about his relationship, I was already invested emotionally & sadly so was he. When I found out I kicked, screamed, bitched, cut him off, & went my dumbass right back because he was “leaving his relationship”, which he never did. Lol. I was definitely young & dumb, but it was such a good life lesson, because I be damned if that ever happens again. It did give me trust issues at the time though. Knowing a man can carry on an entire relationship with someone else whilst having a whole live-in girlfriend is terrifying.” – April

 

“I feel like side chicks do not exist in meaningful relationships. Unfortunately, I have never reduced myself to being a side chick. I believe in the phrase “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, and I never want someone in bed (or anywhere else) with my partner as a stand-in for me.” – Mercedes

 

“I feel women who do not mind being the side-chicks are very insecure feeble minded and need their asses whipped.” – Mrs. Davis

 

“I feel that side chicks who know they are just that are unworthy of respect. Unfortunately, I have been a side chick before. At the time I was dating a guy for 2 years, who had another girlfriend in a different state. Once I found out, I was devastated. The situation changed my outlook on dating because it was the first time I felt betrayed by a man AND his family and friends. Everyone knew that he was dating this other woman, but when I was around his family, they always told me how good I was for him. I realized that not everyone had the same mindset as I did. I also realized that family is going to have the back of their relative regardless if it is good or bad.” – Lois Lane

 

Do you think that all men cheat?

ali men cheat

“No I don’t. I think insecure boys cheat. A man will work for his relationship or just end it and move on.” – Juliana

 

“Mentally, yes. Physically, no, not all.” – Melissa

 

“No.” – Lynn

 

“No I don’t.” – Constance

 

“No. Although almost every man I’ve encountered has cheated, there are definitely still good men out there that value a woman’s time & feelings. I at least would like to believe so.” – April

 

I could never believe that all men cheat. If all men cheat, do all women cheat, too? All fall short, but cheating is not the only way to do so. – Mercedes

 

“No I don’t.” – Mrs. Davis

 

 

“I do not think all men cheat.” – Lois Lane

 

Do you think that a man’s relationship with his mother influences his dating habits?

ali mamas boy

“Yes. I think men expect to be treated like his mother treated him, aka like a baby.” 

– Juliana

 

“Not necessarily. I cannot date someone who does not respect their mother and women period. Many influences and relationships shape us into who we become. There are men who have never met their mother and still became great husbands and partners. I think if he has healed emotionally from anything he felt he lacked from the relationship with his mother, he can still have good dating habits.” – Melissa

 

“Yes, I believe he measures women he dates by his mother’s character. Which is not right.” – Lynn

Um could possibly. It is a catch 22. It could be GOD, MOMMA, then YOU. LOL!!! It could be like F my momma and F you too on bad days. LOL! – Constance

 

“Definitely. A mans relationship with his mother determines his mindset for how he views & treats women. Good or bad. Some men don’t have positive female views because of how their mother may have been & vice versa. This is why I also say imagine a man doing the same things you’ve done, to your mother. Are you proud of that? Could you be proud of a man treating your mother the same way? Don’t fall into that cycle.” – April

“Yes. Men that display love, respect and value their mothers in word and action tend to make better husbands. That is not the Bible truth about ALL men, but it is my experience. Men that date women as if they hate women may have rocky relationship histories with their mothers or other significant women in their lives.” – Mercedes

 

“YES I do!” – Mrs. Davis

 

“I absolutely think that a man’s relationship with his mother is indicative of the way he will treat a woman. Some men are attracted to woman that has the same traits as their mother. Some men’s expectations of a woman can depend on the things his mother did and the way she did them.” – Lois Lane

 

 

What can a man do to make you feel emotionally safe with him?

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“Actions speak louder than words. So show up when you say you will.
I am a hopeless romantic so for me it would be the little things, like tell me you need to see me and already be downstairs. I need him to show me he actually cares.” – Juliana

 

“Make me his #WCW. LOL! Just kidding. I truly believe it starts with self. I should first be emotionally stable and secure with myself. He can aid by giving compliments, consistently spending quality time together and having healthy conversations.” – Melissa

 

“Support me when I’m down.” – Lynn
“Someone that shows me his heart lets me know I can show mine too. The real test for me is if we are in church and he lets his emotions react. I say emotions react as in, if he wants to clap he will, if he wants to stand he will, and so on. My mate and I met at church in the choir. I am a singer so I would sing a few solos and everyone knows I let my emotions take over when the spirit hits. I don’t shout but I am a crier. He has not once brought that up, not once teased or made fun of me. When we are, in church now, we praise together. I love the Lord and that is a major key in a relationship. Can he lead you? That makes me feel super safe because he can.” – Constance

“Honesty is definitely a key to having that emotional security with a man. I need raw honesty, even if it hurts, because that shows me the level of respect he has for me. Let me decide for myself if what you’re telling me is what I want to deal with.” – April

“A man that makes it his business to speak to me and treat me with care is worth his salt. I feel emotionally safe with people that display consistently fair treatment. I have no need for the man that “rescues” me daily, like Super Man, especially if I will not see him again for days or weeks. He should provide protection for our family when needed. I like even-tempered closet romantics.” – Mercedes

 

 “Never throw my past in my face or my weak moments.” – Mrs. Davis

 

 

“A man that is vulnerable by sharing his feelings and being honest will make me feel emotionally safe. A man that keeps our relationship details between him and I will also make me feel safe. A man that shows me that he is equally invested in our relationship as I am will also make me feel safe.” – Lois Lane

 

Do you prefer to date traditionally (man plans, man pays) or do you prefer any other version of dating (going dutch, woman pursues and/or plans, etc.)?

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“I prefer traditional. I also am totally ok if we split the bill.” – Juliana

 

“The first few dates I think, he should plan and pay because he needs to be the lead and then if we continue dating I do not mind going Dutch or paying for us. Every man I have ever dated always insisted on paying. I am always open to paying my way after the initial dating phase as it becomes expensive the more dating we are doing.” – Melissa

 

“If we are not in a committed relationship I believe in the traditional version of dating. He pays and plans the date.” – Lynn

 

“I always say, “You plan, I’ll show up”. That tells me he put some thought into it. If we just friends casually dating I do not mind paying for me or for us.” – Constance

 

“I’m very traditional when it comes to dating, but I also like to treat whomever I’m with, just to show him he’s appreciated, so I don’t mind planning a date & taking a man out or going dutch. I definitely feel like the man should overall pursue you though.” – April

 

“My boyfriend pays for our dates most of the time. He allows me to tip or he will allow me to pick up the check if I become annoying about it. If you go Dutch for the first date, you may end up in the friend-zone. If you consistently go Dutch, you may question your interest in the person. I like to experience balance and variety. I will not plan all of the dates, and neither will he. Honestly, most of the time, our dates are not planned.” – Mercedes

 

“I prefer traditional at first. But as the relationship progresses I’ll pay but I’ll never pursue a man, I’ll let it be known that I’m interested in subtle ways ( a smile, eye contact) just in case he is shy.” – Mrs. Davis

 

 

“I prefer the traditional way of dating most of the time. I also like to be spontaneous and show my mate how much I appreciate him by planning dates and offering to pay on occasions. I love it when a man can take charge and have things planned for me. I love a man that offers to treat his woman because he knows his gestures will be returned to him ten-fold.” – Lois Lane

 

 

 

What do you think is the biggest misconception that men have about women as it relates to dating?

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“Men think that because we are woman we have to cook and clean and take care of the kids and work too. I do not think it is fair. I understand that if the woman is a housewife she is expected to do those things. but if both partners are working, then everything should be 50/50.

I saw a quote the other day it said:
Man: you’re home all day and when I come home the house is a mess
Woman: you’re at work all day why aren’t we rich

Gold!!!” – Juliana

 

“For me the biggest misconception men have about women as it relates to love and dating is that we expect “the world” when in reality we do not. It is really quite simple. If I tell you what I need to be happy with you, do it. DO NOT do what YOU think I need. Do what I tell you I need. I will do the same for him and his needs. I think the “new age” dating can be attributed to the lack of leadership within men and an overall lack of male presence growing up seeing how it is supposed to be done. I have seen men bring up their financial situation as a reason why they cannot date the way they would like but there are inexpensive and even free things to do in every city if a considerable amount of time and planning are put into finding out what those things are and executing the plan. I personally believe if your finances aren’t in order you shouldn’t be pursuing a relationship with anyone in the first place. In today’s society, I do not respect many men because they are too busy acting like women. I see men acting “catty” and arguing with women all the time. It is not attractive and I do not see those individuals as men. They are considered “fuck boys” to me. Can I curse? I hope so. LOL. I also feel most males my age are still trying to figure out how to be a man and figure out who they are and what their purpose is in life. Honestly, those things should be priorities in one’s life before EVER seeking a partner. Who taught them how to date/court a woman? I honestly do believe most men were not taught how to date or court a woman and a reasonable amount of women in society have allowed this idea of “chill” together to become acceptable so the men believe it is okay to continue with this behavior. Some women have just made it excessively easy on men and they have never actually had to work to pursue and court a woman. Another thing I believe is missing is the importance of establishing a friendship. I actually LIKE all my friends. If I’m going to be in a relationship with someone I NEED to like you as well.” – Melissa

 

“That they aren’t worth the effort anymore. Which is totally not the case with all women.” – Lynn

 

“I really don’t know. It can be a vast number of things. The only thing I can think of is what they are personally battling reflects the misconception they may be having.” – Constance

 

“The biggest misconception that I’ve personally dealt with is a man not believing that I can handle them being honest with me, especially if it’s something bad. Men will lie & hold on to that same damn lie until the wheels fall off all because they don’t think a woman can handle their truths. Guess what? We can! Well I for sure can. Stop lying!!! Mmmm oh my god.” – April

 

The biggest misconception that men have about women is that they need to understand her thinking. Men, understanding her is not a requirement. You need to respect her. You need to love her. You need to learn about her. You need to be honest with her. Understanding her will make you question your manly behaviors. Focus on the development of self-control, integrity and respectful boundaries.” – Mercedes

 

“That women don’t wanna have sex too,  That we wanna get married that day, and that they have to be “hard” at all times, not vulnerable…etc.” – Mrs. Davis

 

“To love and dating?  I think there is a misconception that all women are interested in what a man can do for them. I must admit I love being showered with gifts; however I can buy things for myself. Women need to know that the man is thinking about them and because men are not as open to expressing those feelings; gifts and materialistic items fill that void.” – Lois Lane

 

 

Now, in case you wanted to hear what men had to say about similar topics… Check out the link below!

Men Speak: Turn Offs, Sidechicks, Settling Down, and Why Dating Sometimes Sucks For Them Too!

 

 

 

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