A bit rude? My apologies ladies but with a topic like this there is really no room for sugar coating. We get that enough from our friends, mothers and people who just DON’T want to hurt our feelings more than they want to tell us the brutal truth.
For the past 2 weeks I have been doing an unofficial social analysis regarding this topic. I talked to men and women in various age groups, dating situations and with differing biases.
My main question was: Does/Can a man truly love you and not be ready for and/or currently desire a relationship with you?
My motivation for that question spawned from my personal life, I’ll admit. A man who claims that he loves me very much declared in the same breath that “he isn’t ready to be the man that I need him to be right now” and that he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore.
Do you know what that translates to? —> “I love myself. And while I may care about you, I don’t care about you enough to explore the responsibility of a relationship with you. At this time, or ever”.
Funny how “about a week ago, week ago” (lol) I actually believed those words at face value and thought maybe the man just wasn’t ready. How cute of him for being so honest. ?
I went on a date the other day with this guy I recently met (because not going on dates with other guys just wasn’t the best option for my sanity… AND I advocate for women dating multiple guys UNTIL she’s in an exclusive relationship)… anywho, so I met up with this really cool gentleman after work. Nothing major just drinks. So we got onto this topic and his perspective was interesting.
I asked him the same question & I also asked if he thought that a man could truly love you and still cheat. He said that yes he does… and that a man could also avoid a relationship because he knows he isn’t ready to suppress his carnal desires to conquer multiple women. That it’s a maturity thing and some men just aren’t ready for that responsibility.
Hmmm. It made sense. But, 2 days later my opinion has shifted and I think there is more to this story than what he mentioned.
Does that scenario apply to some men? Of course! But ultimately, I think it just happens to be the most popular and accepted excuse for men to use when they’re “letting you down easily”.
Honestly, I believe that MOST men ARE ready for a relationship and if he tells you that he is not then it’s probably because he just doesn’t want one with you.?.. for whatever reason. And it’s rarely anything you should lose sleep over because every romantic interaction can’t be meant to be.
It could be something that you did or didn’t do or it could be because of something completely out of your control or that you had no power to alter anyway. Maybe he just can’t picture himself dating a Pisces or sum’n, who knows. But it’s not your problem to decipher.
Men are complex but they are also very simple. Upon meeting you, men know very early on whether they would like to take you seriously or not. I don’t know, but it’s something in them that triggers a red or green light.
Once he processes this signal he categorizes you… and there is very little that you can do to change it, good or bad.
So if there is a man that you have been dating and hanging out with for a significant amount of time and he hits you with the “I’m not ready for a relationship” speech… just understand that he isn’t the guy for you and…“Move On” should be the very next thing on your to do list.
And coming from a very emotional woman who analyzes everything and has a pretty unhealthy issue with rejection. .. PLEASE take my advice!! This is NOT a game you want to play.
No he’s not just going through a phase.
No he’s not just focusing on work.
No he’s not just heartbroken over his last gf/babymama and he’s afraid of love.
No he’s not confused.
No he won’t eventually come around.
No it’s not your fault or issue to work through.
Your ONLY response should be “I understand and I wish you the best✌!”.
Your ONLY reaction should be to cut your losses and MOVE ON.
The bad thing is that we think he’s joking. smh The d*mn man is not joking girl and none of what you’ll experience after he makes that statement will be funny. Trust me.
We also think he’ll change his mind.
??????? #ByeFelicia
You’re setting yourself up for failure! Because as a beautiful, intelligent and captivating woman, the last thing you should have time for is waiting for some man to figure out how great you are.
Either he knows it (especially after dating for a few weeks) or he misses the opportunity to get to know it. The End.
Lord if only I had followed this same advice in my own life!
But that is exactly why I am here writing this post to you guys. Carole Ann has come into the light! lol And in one very defining moment I have chosen to wake the hell up and take my own advice.
And you should too ladies!! Because the last thing you want to do is wait on a man whom you assume is worth the wait… only to witness him suddenly become relationship ready for some other woman one day.
Or in short term fashion… randomly come across his profile on a dating site where he clearly states that he is there looking for a relationship and is on a quest “to find Her”. lol
Hey. .. believe me when I tell you this happens every day. And most men WILL NOT keep it real with you and say that… while they are relationship ready and enjoy hanging out with you, they don’t really think you’re compatible enough to take it to that level.
And most won’t say that because they still want access to whatever benefits they receive from you. You know what I mean. And him telling you that just may eliminate his ability to kick it with you and reap said benefits.
And, slightly in their defense, would we even accept that revelation ladies? Let’s be honest! Or would we try to analyze it to death or excuse away the reality of what the guy just said?
Listen, rejection sucks and for many of us it triggers some deep rooted issues that causes us to do things we wouldn’t normally do.
No one wants to feel like someone else thinks we aren’t “good enough” for them. We end up fighting for or holding on to something or someone that we KNOW we don’t want or need just because we can’t handle the reality of someone not wanting us.
It then becomes solely ego driven and even if you really love that person, you’re only reacting from the space of injured pride. None of that is healthy or fair to anyone involved.
So ultimately ladies the phrase “I’m not ready for a relationship” should be your Exit Cue… regardless of the stated reasons.
Because if it’s really because of work, distance or some other “possibly non-bullsh*t” excuse then once they figure it out then they can find you. And if you’re still available you both can live happily ever after.
9 times out of 10 tho he’s bullsh*tting you and just wasting your time and stopping you from finding some dope a** guy who is ready.
Let that man go. In time you’ll look back at this and laugh anyway. Plus we never realize that we’ve dodged a bullet until we’re somewhere in the future happy as hell. It’s coming ?
Yes! Thank you! This post helped me a lot
I Totally Agree with yout view. My last relationship was loke that. I tend to be captain.”Sace a Hoe” as my friends say and I would be willing to wait until the guy changes his mind. Anywhoo, So my ex and I were on and off for two years. He broke up with me because he was “bad at relationships & couldnt handle the responsibilities associated with being in one” ( or so he claimed). Not even a month later he was talking to another girl and he was in a relationship with her a few weeks later ???????. It hurt me so bad , because I actually believed him when he told me that lie about not being ready. Iy wasnt until I read thos post that I now am able to understand why. Why he would lie to me? Why would he hurt me like that? And why would he string me along and tell me all those things girla love to hear if they wernt true? I now understand I wasnt the right one for him, and I now know how much of a douche bag he is as well..for stringing me along when he knew I wasnt his “Libra”..
Posts like this ruin relationships.
Oh what a crock. Most men mean what they say. I’ve been in this situation and he wasn’t pursuing anyone else and I can tell how deep our connection is and that it will eventually develop. Sometimes things take time. I can also tell how he feels during sex and how connected we are. My feelings never lie.
I totally get your disdain for my opinion on the topic but to call it a crock is a bit harsh don’t ya think? Of course my perspective doesn’t align with or apply to everyone’s personal situation but there are exceptions and there are rules. I’ve been in the exact same mental space as your comment suggests and I truly believed that things would work out. They didn’t so in MY situation I was right in this post. I do hope that your scenario turns out different than mine and that you do prove me wrong! Peace and Blessings to you!