As I look at my own life and scan a few Facebook posts that have become all too common, all I can think is that the majority of us are dating like complete idiots. Myself included.
Well… the time is over for sugar coating. And everything I’m about to say, I say it with love.
You should consider yourself as a WEAK person if at any time you allow someone to still access your mental space, heart and body after they have told or shown you that they do not love, respect, care for or value you.
Every time you continue to interact with them past this point it makes you appear more & more pathetic. And in reality you are. I mean let’s be honest… if you don’t exercise your own value then the next person feels no obligation to do the same.
Think about it like this. .. you know those annoying people who when you visit their house they make you take off your shoes before coming in. And they just might have the nerve to have white carpet or furniture but ironically always want visitors stopping by.
Now while you’re at the front door taking off your shoes thinking “I’m not even going to be here long enough to be getting all undressed and ish” I bet you’re also peeping how clean their carpet is.
Do you know why it’s so clean? Because they don’t let the probability of making you a little inconvenienced overshadow the fact that they have nice sh*t and they are not about to let yo a** mess it up by tracking a bunch of dirt around.
See the relation yet? That’s exactly how we need to be with our lives! Make these people “disrobe” before you allow them in your space. You haven’t worked through your issues and developed your sense of self worth just to turn around and let some visitor track emotional dirt across your white carpet.
And guess what. .. if they don’t want to “take their shoes off before they enter your house” & respect the value of your space then don’t let them in. AND DON’T INVITE THEM BACK OVER UNTIL THEY DO.
This is all common sense but it’s some very intelligent people out here (🙋 hello somebody!) operating like fools based on the flimsy idea that they “love” the person who is mistreating them… or dirtying up their carpet.
Love = Loyalty but Loyalty DOES NOT = Love.
So what do I mean? Well… if you Love someone you will be loyal to them, the end. But, just because you’re loyal to someone doesn’t mean that they will love you. And that’s the gotcha/gotcha.
In all reality nobody owes you anything.. but you owe yourself EVERYTHING. And until you understand that, you will continue to expect sh*t from people who either can’t or just don’t want to meet those expectations.
And you know what expectations do? They leave YOU disappointed.
Replace expectations with cause and effect so that you can date in peace. Here’s the 2014 version of Cause and Effect:
‘Cause Julie only calls you when she wants to go out to eat and she sees you as “Free Food” you effectively stopped f**king with her ratchet, hungry a**. lol
‘Cause Derrick only calls you to try to “come over and chill” despite your suggestions to go out sometimes, you effectively stopping answering his calls altogether.
Both scenarios dealt with a person being dismissed based on inappropriate, repeated behavior. .. however, neither included you expecting anything. And that’s the deal with expectations.
Not having them allows you to date without pressure but to also date with more clarity. If you’re expecting Julie to see you as her future hubby yet in reality you’re just “free food” to her, guess whose emotions are involved and feelings are now hurt?
If you’re expecting Derrick to want to masquerade you around town despite the fact that he’s just a Netflix kinda dude who doesn’t see you as being worth spending money on then guess who’s upset trying to figure out if there’s something wrong with You?
Stop it. Because the only person you should place expectations on is yourself, and they should go something like this.
“I expect to make the most out of every dating encounter that I have, HOWEVER I will not subject myself to any treatment or experiences that do not make me feel good about myself, make me happy or that inspire me.”
We don’t control anyone but ourselves and because life and people are so complex we have to stop assuming that everything that happens to us is directly reflective of who we are.
Yes, sometimes your experiences are relative to whatever issues you have or choices you made/make but a lot of times they are not.
Sometimes people get cheated on because they happened to be an unfulfilling partner in that particular relationship… either by choice or circumstance. BUT, in that same scenario, they also got cheated on because their boyfriend/girlfriend was too selfish and immature to discuss their issues about the relationship with them and/or end things before they succumbed to infidelity.
So there is always more than one way to look at things. The problem is that we take responsibility for things that are out of our control and we shift the blame for the things we fully influenced. We also tend to fight against doing what makes us uncomfortable… although it’s usually the best option for us.
So lets say you’re in love with someone who doesn’t value you. They hurt you continuously but you feel that leaving them alone and going through the process of heartbreak is too uncomfortable to endure.
You better get your life! lol
Because guess what, that person sees and feeds off of your weakness. And if they are still around it’s a 99% chance that it isn’t because they love you but because they are addicted to your adoration and your addiction to them. Your weakness makes their agenda effortless and that ties into their screwed up issues that should never have been your responsibility to nurture in the 1st place!
And we’re not going to even get into how these eff’d up Egos of ours inspire stupid decisions.
So stop being WEAK behind these mere mortals out here. Stop expecting sh*t from people who are more than likely more f**ked up than you could ever be.
Because guess what… while you’re over there mentally captive by some peasant they are somewhere else probably trying to figure out how to make someone else happy.
Let that ish go and stop letting dirty mofos walk on your white carpet in them raggedy a** shoes that they walk everywhere else in.
In my best Martin voice. .. “Respect my house or get ta steppin!”
Excercise that mantra in your life. Daily.