I’ll start this post off with a very significant disclaimer: My views don’t apply to every man out there who had an issue with Lemonade, My views don’t represent every woman out there who watched it and it’s aftermath, and My views are a reflection of my own personal opinion… nothing more, nothing less.
Now with that being said… I’m not here to convince anyone that Beyonce actually did get cheated on by Jay Z or that she didn’t. In all honesty, we’ll never know with certainty because we are not a part of their personal lives or their marriage. But I will approach most of this topic under the impression that Jay Z has exercised infidelity in his marriage to Bey. Why? Because it supports my theory of why many men have been interestingly critical of this creative body of work.
I’ve given an observant eye to my Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter timelines in the wake of Queen Bey’s 6th studio album and for many of us who saw the HBO special, we’ve heard the narrative that was projected. Let’s take one song for example…
“Who the f**k do you think I am? You ain’t married to no average b*tch boy. You can watch my fat a** twist boy. As I bounce to the next d*ck boy.”
“And keep your money… I got my own. Keep a bigger smile on my face being alone.”
“Bad motherf*cker, God complex.”
“When you hurt me, you hurt yourself. Try not to hurt yourself. When you play me, you play yourself. Don’t play yourself. When you lie to me, you lie to yourself. You only lying to yourself.”
“This is your final warning! You know I give you life. If you try that sh*t again… you gon’ lose your wife.”
So did Jay cheat on his wife?
Honestly… that doesn’t even matter. What matters is what the idea of him doing so represents and how a lot of men out there are upset about one woman’s choice to publicly manifest the stages of infidelity from the female point of view.
Let’s take a step back and look at how Beyonce dealt with betrayal from her husband (remember we are assuming that he did cheat for theoretical purposes).
She went through Intuition, Denial, Anger, Apathy, Emptiness, Accountability, Reformation, Forgiveness, Resurrection, Hope, and Redemption.
Eleven places that people, particularly women, visit in the wake of emotional turmoil following the betrayal of a man. And for some weird, strangely f*cked up reason… tons of men had a problem with the way Beyonce chose to creatively personify each emotion.
What bothers me is that when Beyonce was telling women to cater to you and to be so drunk in love that she wanted to surfboard on your lap and roll up partitions to give you head on the way to events men were out here giving standing ovations.
Dear Beyonce…
Signed, All Men.
But the moment that her lyrics imply: Woman.. you are an above average, irreplaceable life source in the lives of your men whom you’ve been nothing but good to. SO.. if he cheats these are some of the emotions that you may battle with. AND… although you may make the personal decision to resolve your relationship problems and stay with your man, make him fully and absolutely aware that that sh*t better NOT happen again and that if it does he will lose you and everything good thing that you represent in his life.
I can see exactly why some men would have a problem with this message. You see… the current dating culture creates winners out of lying, cheating, pathetic a** lowlife men. The one’s who are out here purposefully toying with women’s emotions, creating babies by the dozens, avoiding any real sense of responsibility as it relates to becoming a mature, forward thinking MAN.
I came across a Facebook thread one day of a woman suggesting that women should always be prepared to pay for half of dates and to pay for the gas if the man was driving to pick them up blah, blah, blah. There was no indication as to whether she was talking about women in committed relationships or singles on 1st dates. Another woman commented and said:
“{Some men} are egotistical, woman hating beasts whose sole life lines are you bum b*tches with no standards.”
Now although her delivery was aggressively straight forward, I had to agree with the part about chicks with no standards being like an oxygen machine for men who don’t want to do and be better in their pursuit (or lack thereof) of respectable manhood.
So back to Lemonade. How does a visual art project relate to a rejection of male evolution?
Well.. what is the male agenda in bashing a woman’s decision to tell a man who has betrayed her trust that she will leave his a** for taking her for granted?
What is so wrong with women feeling like.. believing… understanding that her contributions to her relationship and her man are not only valuable but can be ceased in the event that he does not cherish and respect them?
Why are so many men AGAINST a women understanding her worth and being vocal about the hypothetical “fall” that will take place if anyone (especially her man) doesn’t appreciate and acknowledge it?
Aren’t you the same men who tell you’re daughters that they are Queens and not to take no man’s bullsh*t and to require respect and yada yada yada?
So why is it an issue when a woman you’re dating {somebody else’s daughter} requires the same respectful, royal treatment from you?
I have a very big issue with the way the dating scene is these days. Ya know… the overwhelming majority of women who will degrade themselves and even compete with one another for the affections of a man. Even doing the same exhausting, provoked by the fear of “what you won’t do the next b*th will” type of actions even after they are married and are generally thought to have “won” their men.
But what the hell are men doing to get and/or maintain women’s loyalty and affections? Because just being a man and slinging good pipe on the regular is not enough. A woman should want a man who requires her to have a high sense of self worth.
A man should want a woman who would rather be ALONE than to put up with dishonesty and betrayal. A woman who, although she will fight for her relationship, will also be just as ready to walk the hell away if she needs to.
I personally feel that most women, including myself (especially), have sold themselves short in their relationships. No amount of love should make you settle. No amount of love should make you accept behavior that hurts you. ESPECIALLY, if you have been fully committed to your relationship.
I always say… Love unapologetically & with all of your heart… BUT never be afraid to walk away if necessary. The only person that you should be afraid of losing in any relationship is YOURSELF.
What man would have a problem with that?
From my perspective that’s all that Beyonce was vocalizing. Based on limited observation we can conclude that she loves her husband with her whole soul, however she understands what her presence does for his existence. She knows that she’s a force in his life and she’s unafraid to remind him in the wake of what possibly could be Jay Z cheating on her.
A lot of men don’t like for women to have that kind of outlook. If she can balance him being her life with knowing that her life will go on without him, she has tapped into an incredibly beautiful thing. And as a result, it forces these inadequate men who bank on women thinking that they can’t do better to either get their sh*t together or lose their women. Point blank.
So to reinforce my disclaimer earlier… I don’t think that every man who had an issue with Lemonade falls into the category of Ain’t Sh*t Dudes… but I do believe that many of the ones who were anti-Bey after that HBO Special were just men who would protest against any idea or call to Formation for women to demand more from them.
But what do I know… I’m just a blogger.
